Four Billion Dollars
by Stumblefoot
Summary: Raven destroyed the world and damaged the economic health of Jump City, and they want a surety bond to make sure it doesn't happen again. But where is Raven going to come up with four billion dollars? Rated T because sometimes Titans swear. (Reposted after a formatting error, sorry about that.) Reviews welcome, thanks.
1. Chapter 1

(This story takes place roughly two months after THE END.)

"Four billion dollars."

Mr. Nelbert, the lawyer, was a slight, pedantic man with out-of-fashion rimless glasses that tended to slide down his nose when he got nervous. He was nervous now. Anybody would be, with Raven sitting across the table glaring at them.

He cleared his throat and straightened his papers into a slightly neater pile. "Four billion dollars," he repeated.

"I don't have four billion dollars," Raven hissed.

"Well, that's just for a bond, Miss Raven." Mr. Nelbert's glasses slid down his nose. He pushed them back up. "It may be you can find an insurance or finance institution which would be willing to act as a guarantor should a similarly unfortunate event happen again. For example, AIG -"

"We've been in Jump City for a long time," Robin interrupted. He sat to Mr. Nelbert's left and was the only person Raven trusted to have with her when the city made an appointment for Raven to meet with their lawyer/liaison. "We have never been asked to put up any kind of surety bond. And we're a team. Whatever Raven's responsible for, we're all responsible for."

"I'm afraid not in this case," Mr. Nelbert said primly. "As a municipality we are well aware of the damages to be expected when a city plays host to a group of superheroes. Which are minimal when you consider the benefits!" he added, noticing the expression on Robin's face. "However upon discussion the council decided that complete destruction of the city was not a reasonable outcome for a group of superheroes in the normal course of their duties. Thus the request for a surety bond. And as Miss Raven was solely responsible -"

"She was coerced," Robin ground out.

"All eyewitness reports including yours indicate that she took part in -" Raven growled, and he stopped his sentence, saying instead, "- that she took part voluntarily."

"She put everything back the way it was!"

"After roughly 36 hours," Mr. Nelbert said. "That was 36 hours the city was not able to engage in commerce or taxation. At the same time we had the normal costs of employees and so forth. In fact," he said in an attempt at levity, "As this phenomenon took place across the whole world, there was some discussion over whether we should request a bond equal to measurable commerce for the whole country, which could have equaled over a trillion dollars. Of course we realized that would be an inappropriate request."

Raven leaned over the table, and uneasily Mr. Nelbert saw flashes of red in the depths of her hood. "A trillion is inappropriate but four billion dollars is not?"

Mr. Nelbert steeled himself. "Miss Raven, as part of the Titans it is your job to protect this city from physical threats. As a lawyer it is my job to protect it from financial and legal threats. We need financial assurance that your activities will not threaten the well-being of Jump City."

Raven just stared at him as he stood up and put his papers back in his folio. "We understand it will take some time to make the arrangements, so we're not insisting on a settlement today. But if a surety bond has not been agreed upon within thirty days, we'll have to ask Miss Raven to curtail her activities with the team until such time as it has. I'll see myself out. Thank you."

Raven sat stiffly, staring at the tabletop, until she heard the hiss of the elevator as Mr. Nelbert left. Then she relaxed suddenly, her shoulders slumping. She pushed back her hood and looked at Robin helplessly. "Four billion dollars?"

"Man." Robin sat down, frowning. "Four billion dollars. I don't think even Bruce could come up with something like that." His jaw tightened. "You've been with the team since we started, you've risked your life at least a thousand times, and they want four billion dollars. Those rotten -"

Raven rubbed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to think. "I can almost see their point of view. I did destroy everything. Even if I put it back I caused a lot of damage. I don't blame them for wanting some kind of promise it won't happen again. But four billion dollars?" She shook her head. "It's so much money it almost isn't real. What do they expect me to do?"

"I don't think they've thought about it that much. But you're right. What do they expect you to do? Are you supposed to conjure up the money? File for an IPO? Or do they – hey."

Raven looked up at the new note in Robin's voice. "Hey?"

"I don't think we're going to have any luck with an insurer. And I'm not sure we can get four billion dollars in thirty days. But we might be able to get them to change their minds."

"I don't know," Raven said uncertainly. "If the whole city council wants me to -"

"Oh, I think we can. There's just one problem." Robin leaned toward her and lowered his voice conspiratorially. "It might be – fun."

"Fun."

"And possibly – silly." Robin grinned.

Raven drew back. "If you were Beast Boy I would be terrified right now. Even being who you are I'm kind of scared."

"Look at it this way. Would you rather be silly for a while or would you rather figure out where you're going to get four billion dollars?"

Sighing, Raven stared at the tabletop. Robin waited. Finally she said, "This is my problem. I don't want the rest of the team involved."

"Are you kidding? Beast Boy and Cyborg wouldn't miss this for anything. Let's go get them. Then, I'll make a few phone calls."

"Robin, what exactly are we going to _do_?"

"Us? We're going to fight the bad guys and serve and protect Jump City. And if they want us to make some money, we'll do that too. Come on."


	2. Chapter 2

"Thank you _so_ much for inviting me! I'm _so_ excited!"

Pamela Smith ("Please call me Pam!") was one of those thin, ebullient blondes who made Raven feel like her own blue cloak and dark hair were an affront to the rest of the world. And she was so enthusiastic. About everything. If Pamela Smith were a superhero, Raven reflected dourly, she'd be Exclamation Point Woman.

Robin said in an undertone, "I know she's a little much, but Bruce said she was absolutely the best."

Raven rolled her eyes.

"I know you're very busy – you really do so much for Jump City, we're all so grateful – this will only take up a tiny bit of your time." Pamela Smith took out a pen and notebook and somehow managed to look enthusiastically serious. "I understand that you're looking for ways to monetize your activities?"

Robin nodded. "The whole team. We thought it might be a way for us to do more fund raising for the Titans Trust."

Pamela glanced at Raven. The City Council demand for a surety bond had been front-page news and Raven was sure the marketing consultant had read about it. But after only a slight hesitation she said, "Of course. I think you'll find yourselves with plenty of opportunities. Now, who will we start with?"

"Me!" Beast Boy bounced out of his chair. "I am a total brand dude."

"Wonderful! Stand right here." Pamela stood him by the table and scribbled something in her notebook. "Now this is your regular uniform?"

"Yeah." Beast Boy struck a pose, then noticed something on his arm. "Except for the tomato sauce."

"I love the colors. Let's see.. oh yes, I can definitely see some opportunities here. Your skin is a fabulous shade of green. And your ears are so cute!"

"I'm always telling Raven," Beast Boy said proudly, "Chicks dig the ears. My ears are like a brand thing."

Raven shifted in her chair and tried to retreat deeper into her cloak.

"I can see why anyone would dig the ears," Pamela chirped. "They're very handsome. Now you're a vegan, right?"

Beast Boy nodded, and she continued, "And do you have any favorite vegan foods?"

"Dude!" Beast Boy spent ten minutes listing his most-liked vegan food companies, Pamela scribbling in her notebook as fast as he could talk.

She spent the next hour questioning all the Titans about their likes and dislikes, their taste in music, video games, and books. Everyone enjoyed the interviews except for Raven, who felt like she'd been subjected to an over-friendly interrogation.

Pamela finished writing a few lines and closed her notebook with a flourish. "Thank you so much! I have _so_ many great ideas. I should have something for you in a few days – and Beast Boy and Cyborg, I'll give you a call tomorrow, I think we can do something very special with you two. You're both born brand ambassadors!"

Beast Boy glowed, while Cyborg just looked bemused, like he wasn't sure if he'd been complimented or not.

It was in two days that the garment bags came by special messenger. Each Titan had a bag except Cyborg, who got two small black plastic squares and a scribbled note with instructions.

"Let's try them on," Robin said, "I told Pamela I'd call her this afternoon."

Fifteen minutes later, all the Titans but one were in the great room.

"Dude, this is awesome! I feel like I'm in NASCAR."

The torso of Beast Boy's uniform, the arms, and the sides of the legs were covered with sponsorship patches. Even the soles of his boots had been changed to the logo for his favorite frozen food company, Aimee's. Most of the rest of the patches were for food companies, though there was also one for a video game store and a band Beast Boy liked.

"All the patches make your uniform most festive!" Starfire didn't really have a uniform that lent itself well to sponsorship opportunities, but Pamela had sent her a tunic with blousy, cuffed sleeves. The entire back was taken up with the logo for the trendiest gym in town. "But how will people read them?"

"They won't, Star. We're walking billboards. They'll see the logos, but that's about it." Cyborg had clipped in the two peripherals Pamela had sent him, and now he looked like a Skyrim character. "Except me. They've given me a bunch of skins. What's this one?" He pressed a button and in a flash of light, he suddenly looked like a red M&M. "Great." Deactivating the peripherals, he turned to Robin. "This is weird, Rob."

"It's not permanent." Even Robin's signature cape was covered with video game ads. "I know we look ridiculous. That's kind of the point. You'll see. In the meantime we've got to convince Raven to go out in public looking like this. C'mon, I bet she's still in her room."

Just because Pamela Smith was enthusiastic didn't mean she was stupid. The advertising on Raven's uniform was the most subtle. Her cloak was a few different shades of dark blue, and along with a couple of markings on the hood it suggested the logo of Raven Books, a metaphysics publisher. Raven almost didn't mind it. Almost.

She was trying to decide how to wear her cloak so the design would be the least notable, when she heard a knock on the door. "Raven, we all look awesome! What did Pam do for you?"

Raven stepped into the hall, then stopped and blinked at the rest of the team. Cyborg had turned back into a red M&M, Robin had placed himself so his cape would wave dramatically in the slight breeze from the ventilation system (how did he always manage to do that?) and Beast Boy was practically bouncing off the walls from excitement. "Raven, look at me! I'm a brand dude!"

A rush of embarrassment made Raven's face burn; she was desperately glad she had left her hood up. "This is ridiculous," she muttered. "We are ridiculous. I can't make you do this."

Robin grinned at her. "I'll bet you a pizza that we only have to do it once. Twice at the outside. Assuming Beast Boy ever wants to go back to his original outfit."

Why were they willing to participate this stupidity, this humiliation, just for her? "We're supposed to be heroes. And it's my fault that you have to wear these idiotic -"

Robin shook his head. "No, it's the city's fault. And they'll regret it."

"You said it might be fun, and I know I'm not the one to judge, but... this isn't fun."

"We're not done yet."

The hallways started flickering red and noise filled the corridors as the alarms went off. Robin glanced at his communicator. "Cinderblock. Let's go show the city what we look like. Sponsored Titans, GO!"


End file.
